In second grade, chalk disappeared from my classroom blackboards. When I asked my mother about the glowing white circles on the walls (i.e. clocks), she whisked me to my local ophthalmologist. I’ve been wearing glasses and contacts ever since. For those of you keeping score at home, my prescription is -9.5. And for those of you fortunate enough to have 20/20 vision, this means that I really can’t see anything without corrective lenses.

Which brings me to last Thursday. I went in for my annual checkup, and when I found out that my latest pair of glasses were as old as my school-aged children, I got excited. I could buy a new pair! The wonderful optician in the glassware department took the ancient optical artifact off my hands and set me free to pick my new look.

Fun Fact #1: If you NEED glasses, you can’t SEE what you look like when you try them on.

After narrowing the pile of frames to my top two winners, I remembered that I had brought a pair of contacts with me. I popped them in and immediately shelved the aforementioned winners. The optician and I agreed on a new frame.

Fun Fact #2: Lenses bend light to change how your eyes see the world.

Fun Fact #3: Lenses bend light to change how the world sees your eyes. Think Milton from OFFICE SPACE (click here)

I’m excited about my new glasses, but still not sure how they will look. Unable to wait the minimum two week processing time, I took to my phone to do some research, and by research, I mean camera filters, and have determined that this is how I will probably look…



Regardless, I hope to look more like a friendly children’s book writer than a middle-aged man obsessed with his stapler, but we…

sorry for the pun…

shall see.

2 thoughts on “Glasses”

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